Brief for Adding a Twee Character to Your TV Show

1. This character must have glasses – big weird ones that seem to say, “I only bought these because someone in the third world got a pair as well.”

2. PJs! Make sure your character is in PJs for at least 40% of the show. The PJs should have a ridiculous pattern, like giant Furbys, and be complimented with giant slippers. The character should often be lounging near a couch, bed or giant bean bag chair, moping about the oppression their quirkiness has brought them.

3. Bubbles. They blow ‘em. Especially around chime instruments.

4. The Ex. Can you believe it? This sack of hiccups, polka dots and bad cartoon impressions has actually had a romantic relationship! Their ex should be either staunchly mainstream and trying to “fix” them, or else belong to a less “du jour” brand of alternative culture, like Deadheadism.

5. You must make sure your show only has one twee character. The twee lifestyle has an odd habit of attracting songbirds, bike messenger samaritans and free cupcakes that automatically makes the twee person the center of the universe. This means a twee character cannot be anything but a protagonist, and having two twee characters would make your whole narrative structure implode, as well as your cameras. They will literally just kind of melt into their own interiors.

-Becky Lang has been watching Dating Rules for My Future Self and thinks it might be a really long commercial for iPhones?