One of our regular readers has submitted a mathematical analysis of which Tangential writer she’d rather date, Jay Gabler or Dunstan McGill. We’ll stash it after a jump so you can see how that worked out if you’re curious. If you want to inspire this sort of stalking devotion, consider submitting!
Tangential Bios
Jay:
Harvard grad? Swoon for smarts +10
Soft spot for editors/journalists as a former journalism student myself +5
He wrote books! One that’s part of the “for Dummies” series? Awesome. +5
Also a guide to the Twin Cities (+3) and some fancypants Stanford University Press book (+2) I should pretentiously rate this like the academic one impresses me way more, but nah.
Contributes to Vita.mn. Sometimes I page through that when waiting for the Light Rail or at bars/restaurants. +2
Founding editor, fancy: +1
Dunstan:
Oh this bio is quite amusing +5
Wait, did you really have a horse? +3 for the mention, you’d get more points if this part was truth. (I like horses, ok?)
Usage of word “albeit,” yes. +2
Totals based off bios:
Jay: +28
Dunstan: +10
Tangential Articles
Jay:
Fun photos of self that accompany them occasionally +5
Curates weekly roundup of tweets, always enjoyable +3
Memorable favorites include “Naming Opportunities in My Studio Apartment” and “Bookworm Yoga.” Actually these didn’t really showcase his writing skills, maybe I just like pictures. +4
Oh yes, the breakfast nook! +1
Dunstan:
“In Defense of Small Boobs” was awesome, thank you. +15
Another favorite that made me smile was the one about how his parents raised him to be cultured, thus ruining his dating life. +5
My best friend who is a snob and rarely uses social media Facebook-liked the piece about Mac Geniuses. That’s pretty much the ultimate compliment +2
So much oversharing is funny, eg sexual escapades +5 but I’d hate to be a ladyfriend of yours in real life because then our business would probably live on the internet -3
Totals based off Tangential pieces:
Jay: +13
Dunstan: +24
Misc things
Jay:
Twitter: They’re all gems, thoroughly worth following +5
Men with names that start with J historically end up disappointing me -2
Dunstan:
My half-assed Googling isn’t turning up any photo evidence, and I’m shallow enough to judge physical appearance. Why the secrecy? (oh right, probably b/c of creepers like me) -5
This leads me to believe that perhaps Dunstan is a pen-name. I keep typoing Dunstan as Duncan and McGill as McGrill for some reason. -1
Twitter: tweets re: his almost-arrest juxtaposed with Etsy wallet finds is an example of excellent livetweeting +3
Totals in misc:
Jay: +3
Dunstan: -3
TOTAL:
Jay: +44
Dunstan: +31
And there you have it.
Note/disclaimer/postscript: I enjoy the work of all Tangential writers. You are all awesome, and I not-so-secretly/creepily wish I were friends with you in real life (except things might be awkward with Jay and Dunstan now if we ever really met), but doing this sort of breakdown for everyone would result in a lot of unnecessary math, not to mention hours of internet-stalking.
