Schedule for a Leadership Conference, Whatever the Fuck that Is
Agenda – February 1, 2012
Welcome and Icebreaker: Experience Balloons
09:00 am – 09:30 am
If you catch the balloon, share with the group a childhood memory which painfully foreshadows your life’s path of missing expectations, abusing drugs and/or alcohol, and then making it up to your mom by taking an unfulfilling, stable job. Then, throw the balloon to the most attractive, least attractive, or weirdest looking member of the opposite sex in the room.
Infosession: Living Alone
09:30 am – 11:00 am
An empowering and exciting review of the 5 core values of living alone:
Anxiety
Loneliness
Orange Juice
Napping
Eating
Break
11:00 am – 11:15 am
A quick snack of coffee and almonds your mother sent you as part of a New Year’s care package 8 weeks ago.
Cleanliness and Godliness
11:15 am – 12:30 pm
In small groups, share your experience of responding to binge drinking by cleaning the shit out of your apartment for 4 hours while being unable to shake the realization that if Catholics are somehow actually right then you are almost definitely going to hell.
Lunch
12:30 pm – 01:15 pm
A home cooked meal of a lean protein and vegetables. Three slices of pizza.
Cultural and Physical Enrichment
01:15 pm –03:30 pm, December 4th
During the longest session of the day, we will watch every episode of Mad Men and rationalize this expenditure of nearly 80 hours as an accomplishment on par with training for a half-marathon or reading the complete works of Thomas Pynchon.
Break
03:30 pm – 03:45 pm
A quick snack of coffee and……………………….hey, there’s half a Cliff Bar in my glove compartment!
U.S.Arts & Crafts
03:45 pm – 04:45 pm
Using a variety of items stolen from the art room of an elementary school, create an American flag that appropriately symbolizes the destruction of the middle class, the ignorance of the populous, the false dichotomy of the two-party political system, the complete removal of civil liberties, and the glorious, glorious football of our great country.
Closing Thoughts + Goodbye
04:45 pm – 05:00 pm
Even though we all stopped being engaged in this program around lunch time, we will use the final 15 minutes to recap the day’s journey. Everyone will be invited to stand in front of the group and be socially forced to patronize the benefit of the day’s events. At least one of you will cry awkwardly.
