Wishlist for EVEN MORE New Facebook Features
-A stream that people don’t realize is publicizing what porn they’re watching.
-Ads for ringtones that automatically play upon rollover.
-A “glitterize” feature that lets me digitally “pour glitter” all over my profile.
-A pop-up that will ask me to rate my Facebook experience with a simple survey.
-Notifications that slowly float down the screen telling me what my friends are listening to on Spotify, forcing me to pop them like balloons.
-Dialogue boxes that tell me how fast I am typing and give me badges to unlock for hitting new killer speeds, which it will them publicize.
-An even larger chat module so that I can know who the HECK is online?
-Daily contests for who can post the grossest picture of people in surgery, people getting run over or malnourished children in other countries.
-More prompts to “Tell Us More About YOU.” “We know you went to high school at Roseville High, but what classes did you take? When on your Timeline did you first lose your virginity?”
-Hulu-style prompts to choose my own ad experience that halts my access until I’ve picked the roomy mom van or the vroom vroom dad van.
-Sponsored posts by Lauren Conrad.
