What the First Publication You Read in the Morning Says About You
The Huffington Post: You are the equivalent of a windchime. You just hang out, going wherever the forces of nature gently blow you. This likely means that you work in PR.
The local news: You are my dad.
An iPad-based “smart app” that aggregates news based on its growing understanding of your unique interests: You are a marketing executive. You are drinking coffee your wife carefully selected for its ethical properties. You will probably bike to work, where you get to swear as much as you want because you are important.
Thought Catalog: You are sad that your freshman English seminar is over but you can’t wait to hate read Thought Catalog so that you can give their writers what you assume is a helpful critique on the structure and conclusion of their posts. You have submitted to the site 12 times and been rejected. You actually read your own Twitter for 8 minutes before you check any publications.
Fox News: Your fly is down.
The New York Times: You probably have a subscription since you read it every morning and don’t just arbitrarily click links to during your daily “surfing.” This means that you are someone who thinks about the matters of the world, has probably been to Europe, and probably had a better upbringing than most. Despite this, you are riddled with social consciousness that makes it hard to innocently enjoy your life. You can’t help but wonder if your yoga habit does truly pose a long-term threat to your neck health.
Some blog about “winning” at advertising: You got ushered into a more practical career than the fluffy one you originally wanted and you have no clue what the fuck you are doing. You have a “professional” Twitter account that you use when you go to conferences where people say insanely vague things and you tweet their quotes religiously with hashtags. On the weekends (and probably Thursdays), you drink until 4 a.m. and know that you shouldn’t be driving but do anyway.
You actually go straight to Hulu and watch last night’s Colbert Report because that’s the best way to get news: You spend ~18 hours a day on the Internet. You may have been published on this blog.
