• Friend everything that moves.
• Post lots of links about various topics and tag the names of anyone who might conceivably be interested.
• When someone famous dies, immediately post “RIP [Person Who Died]. You will be missed.” Get 83 Likes.
• Complain about how Facebook is always changing their features, but express hushed awe about the next Facebook development, which you happen to know about (via being a social media expert) and which will “change everything.”
• Use the same profile pic you use on Twitter, looking either outrageously friendly or outrageously sexy, whichever you’ve chosen as your personal brand.
• Use a cover photo of either (a) you and your spouse on vacation somewhere picturesque or (b) you lecturing at a social media conference.
• Have a bio with links to your various projects, one down-homey fact about you, and one emoticon.
• Make 50% of your tweets about various social media conferences you’re attending, 50% links to social media tips, and 0% anything remotely controversial.
• Whenever anyone says anything even vaguely positive about you or any of your projects, retweet it.
• Whenever any of your projects’ accounts tweets anything, retweet it.
• Whenever anyone retweets you, retweet them retweeting you and preface your re-retweet, “Thanks for the RT!”
• Be absolutely religious about distinguishing between MTs and RTs.
• And most importantly: #HASHTAG #EVERYTHING.
• Don’t have a Tumblr. If you’re ever asked about Tumblr, make a dismissive gesture and perhaps concede that it’s “interesting.”