New Year’s Eve day in New York City! Everybody’s pumped. So many different storylines are being introduced, and if they all tie together in the end I’m going on a murdering spree. Sarah Jessica Parker can’t wait to hang out with her teen daughter tonight. I hope nothing gets in the way of that storyline! Hilary Swank is being interviewed about being director of the ball drop. (?) “This is a big night,” the reporter says, and she rudely says something with a subtext of “UH YEAH, DO YOU THINK, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE??” Come on, dude, he’s just trying to do his job.
Seth Meyers and Jessica Biel are yeah right a couple and Jessica is very pregnant at the hospital. They hope to have their baby that night so they can win $25,000 from the hospital for having the last baby of 2011 or first baby of 2012, really not paying attention, because that is definitely something that happens at hospitals, people just handing you money for using their facilities. “I could pay off my student loans with that,” says Seth Meyers. High stakes! They meet another couple who is also about to have a baby and the husband wears a hat. Cool!
Michelle Pfeiffer looking decidedly mousy works as an assistant at a fancy record label. Damn, can an assistant in the movies work at a medical filing facility for once? She hates her job and honestly she’s styled like she’s dying of cancer. This is a comedy so hopefully that will not be revealed later.
Zac Efron is introduced as a mail courier at Michelle P’s place of biz and immediately I have questions for him. Do you dye your eyebrows? What is your mouth? Did you know that a simple mention of your name brings up one mental image and one mental image only, and that mental image is your face open mouth smiling like you just said “SILLY!” probably from the cover of High School Musical? Anyway he says “bro” a lot, so that must mean he is crazy cool, and young.
Ashton Kutcher looking like a drunk yoga instructor lives in an old warehouse building turned into studios (ugh) and he is tearing down all of the decorations someone put up in their hall for New Year’s. Can’t wait to hear the backstory about why he hates this holiday (not). He gets trapped in the elevator with Lea Michele. Old elevators be constantly breaking! It’s weird, I was going to type “that girl from Glee,” even though I don’t watch Glee, but I knew her name and I hate myself for it.
Okay well obviously what are you doing, Ludacris. When I move you move, please don’t act.
Everyone’s mean about Sarah Jessica Parker but I think she’s okay.
You know what, no one is a sous chef so let’s stop making this an occupation in movies. Sofia Vergara from Modern Family, everybody. Haha, so far this is just me listing people that are in the movie.
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