My Anti-Bucket List – Things I Pledge Never to Do

-Name my child after a character from Twilight

-Fulfill the Minnesotan stereotype of making “a salad” that is mostly noodles and mayo

-Keep a blog closely documenting my travels in France

-Have a pet named Fluffy, Snowball or Fido

-Say “the n word” when I’m hanging out with a bunch of white friends who I genuinely believe are somehow my “n***as.” Or ever.

-Engage with thinspiration on Pinterest

-Tell someone to “let Jesus into their heart.”

-Make my Facebook profile picture an image of a fetus. Like a fetus inside my body.

-Exclusively drink “Skinny Girl” margaritas

-Say “the 9-5 lifestyle is just not for me.”

-Get married in wedding Uggs. Or in a church.

-Assume that “everyone in the world speaks English.”

-Complain that teenagers are a lot dumber than they were when I was a teenager

-Tell someone to read Adbusters.