What Internet Publications Famous Dead Writers Would Have Written For
Hunter S. Thompson: Vice
“We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like ‘I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive…’ And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming: ‘Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?’” (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas)
Franz Kafka: Muumuu House
“Gregor then turned to look out the window at the dull weather. Drops of rain could be heard hitting the pane, which made him feel quite sad. ‘How about if I sleep a little bit longer and forget all this nonsense,’ he thought, but that was something he was unable to do because he was used to sleeping on his right, and in his present state couldn’t get into that position. However hard he threw himself onto his right, he always rolled back to where he was.” (The Metamorphosis)
James Thurber: McSweeney’s
“‘I should like to have this over with as soon as possible,’ said Lee. Grant looked vaguely at Shultz, who walked up close to him, frowning. ‘The surrender, sir, the surrender,’ said Corporal Shultz in a whisper. ‘Oh sure, sure,’ said Grant. He took another drink. ‘All right,’ he said. ‘Here we go.’ Slowly, sadly, he unbuckled his sword. Then he handed it to the astonished Lee. ‘There you are. General,’ said Grant. ‘We dam’ near licked you. If I’d been feeling better we would of licked you.’” (“If Grant Had Been Drinking at Appomattox”)
Sappho: Thought Catalog
“Suddenly they arrived, and you, O Blessed One,
Smiling with your immortal countenance
Asked what hurt me, and for what
Now I cried out.
And what do I want to happen most
In my crazy heart. ‘Whom then Persuasion
…………..to bring to you, dearest? Who
Sappho hurts you.
And if she flees, soon will she follow,
And if she does not take gifts, she will give,
If she does not love, she will love
Despite herself’” (Lyra Graeca)
Lucy Maud Montgomery: Rookie Magazine
“Isn’t it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive—it’s such an interesting world. It wouldn’t be half so interesting if we know all about everything, would it? There’d be no scope for imagination then, would there? But am I talking too much? People are always telling me I do. Would you rather I didn’t talk? If you say so I’ll stop. I can STOP when I make up my mind to it, although it’s difficult.” (Anne of Green Gables)
Jacqueline Susann: HelloGiggles
“There is no such thing as love, the way you talk about it. You’ll only find that kind of love in cheap movies and novels. Love is companionship, having friends in common, the same interests. Sex is the connotation you’re placing on love.” (Valley of the Dolls)
Jean-Paul Sartre: The New Inquiry
“Our inquiry has led us to the heart of being. But we have been brought to an impasse since we have not been able to establish the connection between the two regions of being which we have discovered. No doubt this is because we have chosen an unfortunate approach. Descartes found himself faced with an analogous problem when he had to deal with the relation between soul and body.” (Being and Nothingness)
Jack Kerouac: Personal Tumblr
“It was an ordinary bus trip with crying babies and hot sun, and countryfolk getting on at one Penn town after another, till we got on the plain of Ohio and really rolled, up by Ashtabula and straight across Indiana in the night. I arrived in Chi quite early in the morning, got a room in the Y, and went to bed with a very few dollars in my pocket. I dug Chicago after a good day’s sleep.” (On the Road)
Ayn Rand: Fox News Magazine
“I am done with the monster of ‘We,’ the word of serfdom, of plunder, of misery, falsehood and shame. And now I see the face of god, and I raise this god over the earth, this god whom men have sought since men came into being, this god who will grant them joy and peace and pride. This god, this one word: ‘I.’”
(Source: thetangential.com)
