A Random Selection of Learnings from This Year’s P4K Music Fest
1. The hipsters have begun procreating
I’ve gone to Pitchfork every year for the last 4 years, and I can’t recall once thinking, “Look … that human right there is a child!” But this year I saw at least 40 children, clad in tutus, wearing plastic sunglasses, pumping their fists to the tune of Sleigh Bells while riding on their parents’ shoulders. The prevalence of Hot Chip fan offspring must mean that you don’t have to graduate from hipster to yupster before procreating. Who needs organic peach mush when your kid can ride high on second-hand smoke and free promotional push pops! But I’m not judging here. What’s wrong with a type parenthood that involves staying young and having fun, for at least a few more years? The kids will be all the cooler for it.
2. The reign of P4K is growing
This year was also the busiest Pitchfork has ever been. While it used to be wholly possible to celebrate a Cut Copy performance by dancing purely in cartwheels or protest Odd Future by physically laying down, bored and falling asleep, this year … not so much. Next year I’ll be prepared to fight hard to get to the front of the vegan ice cream line.
3. Not being drunk at the festival is weird
This year I limited myself to a couple beers, for the most part, knowing that my far-away hotel eliminated any hope of sneaking in a nap after the festival/ before going out to bars. Those beers certainly lubricated the scenario for me, but in no way was I prepared for the insane amounts of PDA I saw everywhere. Here are a couple sub-learnings on that subject:
-Watching a couple, very sincerely, lip-synch, “I only want to be your one-life stand” to one another is insanely creepy.
-In sudden, deep makeout sessions it’s usually the guy that perpetuates it. There’s always a moment when the girl is like, “Ok, either I whip out your dick and get this over with right here, amidst 10 discarded Guinness cups, or you get blue balls. Blue balls it is.” And then the guy pulls away, confused and goes back in. Repeat.
4. People from all states get tattoo outlines of their states.
Thought that was maybe just a Minnesota thing.
5. The Blue Stage continues to be the most P4K-ish of all stages.
Hidden, smaller, soberer, artier.
6. Proper beer-in-crowd etiquette:
If you are about to shove, drunkenly, through a dense crowd of people while holding a beer in each hand, drink the top portion of the beer first. People do not want to be baptized in your beer over and over again.
