You change your opinion about Keurig coffee makers depending on the company you’re in. You iron your khakis when your wife is asleep because you feel like she’ll find it emasculating. Your wedding was modeled after a scene in Rachel Getting Married but no one knows that.
You wonder if in your past life you were a beagle with long ears. You have a cologne or house mist that smells like “rain.” You sometimes try to charm people by attempting to raise one eyebrow only to show that you simply can’t, ha ha ha.
People describe you as “autumnal.” You consider basil a flavor that works for sweet just as well as savory recipes. You recently bought a paperweight at Pottery Barn.
You aren’t exactly sure what “gluten” means although you are highly sympathetic to those who can’t eat it. You like the idea of the phrase “library science.” You occasionally feel superior to people who label themselves “bloggers.” You detest “logical punctuation.”
You picture yourself being cool in the ’60s. You once saw your dad doing a bad thing. You like dolphins. Small candies in a dish. Linen pants at times.
You, personally, think the idea of a Warby Parker monocle is stupid. You give in and eat Subway ~twice a week. You get annoyed when people use French phrases in conversation.
All images from warbyparker.com