1. The Wilmer Valderrama
This is basically when a male celebrity dates every single chick that teens like. Wilmer has banged Li Lo, Ashlee Simpson and Demi Lovato, and that’s just a few from his conquest list. People say he’s a playboy but he’s actually just an OK-looking, not-that-famous dude who is really good at preying on girls that teenage girls are obsessed with. The Bieber version of this would mean he would probably have to bang Taylor Swift, Vanessa Hudgens and have a threesome with Rebecca Black and that chick with the Thanksgiving song.
2. The Sports Guy
This is when an alpha male who is good at throwing javelins and showing off his butt in tight pants dates an alpha female, usually a Victoria’s Secret model who can fill up a million dollar diamond bra while appearing in public PSA’s about how “curvy girls are ok!” This seems to be what Bieber will do because he’s about to bang Victoria’s Secret model Barbara Palvin, who is go-r-ge-ous. Sometimes this dating style happens outside of sports/ Vicky’s girls – see: Kim and Kris Humphries. What’s weird is that J-Beebs is not an alpha male in a traditional sense via still looking like a pubescent boy. But he is alpha in his own respect via money/ influence/ white Michael Jackson comparisons.
3. The Cougar Bait
This is when a young, trendy celebrity becomes mildly interesting by dating an older woman who has had a lot of plastic surgery, like Ashton + Demi and Justin + Cameron. This would be good for Bieber’s PR but Harry Styles is already on that.
4. The Portia di Rossi
This is when you are super hot and then suddenly you’re dating someone of your own sex and everyone’s like “They’re gay? Who knew?” Who would be Justin Bieber’s Ellen? What if it was Jim from The Office? That would be surprising/ adorable. What if it was Chris Brown? That would be weird/ demoralizing.
5. The Robert Pattinson
This is when you date the person that teenage girls associate you with because OMG STAR CROSSED LUVVVERS! He already kinda did this with Selena Gomez (although she is not really the Bella to his Edward). Who is his cosmic match, according to tweens? Emma Watson maybe (cuz only Harry Potter is as epic as Beebs)? To truly find out, someone needs to write an insanely infectious novel that will be sold in airports across the country and have the movie version starring Justin and someone. That someone is his Kristin Stewart.
-Becky Lang is just trying to get seo hits