Top 5 Objects in My Apartment I Personify Now That I Live Alone

1. The Couch:

When I return home from vacations I say something like, “Couch – did you miss me!” while sitting on it in a little ball and rubbing my cheek on its microfiber. I also catch myself saying things like, “I should get home, my couch feels neglected lately” absentmindedly to co-workers with kids.

2. A hat:

I lost my hat for 2 days and then wore it extra for 2 so we would not experience separation anxiety.

3. The fridge:

Sometimes I run into my fridge with my shoulder when walking around a corner and then glare at it the way two kids do when running into one another racing down the stairs for lunch.

4. Toothbrushes:

Sometimes they lean against one another like they are lovers and they have a whole dramatic romance when I leave the (bath)room.

5. The Bed

I like to imagine that my bed enjoys more dignity now that I have learned to make it every morning. Also, want to learn to make your bed? Live in a studio where an unmade bed may as well be an unraveling chair for guests.

-Becky Lang

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    This is funny, my roommate used to bring his full length mirror into the living room when he watched tv so he wouldn’t...
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