Things That Would Probably Be Sins if The Bible Were Written Today

Assuming that God would be worried about global warming, global overpopulation and douchebags rather than like, mixing wool and linen together, these things might have been outlawed:

-Owning a Hummer

-Craigslist killing

-Making a dress out of meat

-Turning the sink on while you poop (you know what’s up, high school girls)

-Trespassing upon thine roommate’s fridge drawer

-Catfishing

-Throwing fast food garbage out your car window

-Vajazzling

-Not saving your plastic bags in one of those recycling devices from Ikea

-Tipping less than 20%

-Getting married in Vegas

-Having more kids than can comfortably fit in a minivan

-Turducken

-”Hate fucking”

-Eating quinoa (maybe)?

-Cyberbullying

-Having an intensely watered lawn

-Taking the word “gay” in vain

-Insisting on bottled water

-Political attack ads

-Putting on the A.C. and the heat at the same time

-Becky Lang