The Fray Lied About Saving Lives

Hey, bald dude from The Fray. Is it alright if I call you “Fray?” Because it’s not worth my time to google you. This song came on the radio at work, and it’s clear you have absolutely no idea what to do in an emergency. Like, I hope no one died because of this song.

Step one, you say we need to talk/He walks away/You say sit down, it’s just a talk

No, this is a victim. He’s probably not walking away. And depending on his level of consciousness, I may be too deep into mouth-to-mouth to have a talk.

You begin to wonder why you came

If I’m saving his life, I’m not so sure I’m confused about my presence. If “came” refers to a sexual climax, then yes. I am very confused.

Where did I go wrong/I lost a friend

Well, let’s see. Maybe at the part where you told me to have a talk and “smile politely” while your friend was motionless on the ground. (And if we’ve lost him already, why does this song continue?)

Let him know that you know best/cause after all, you do know best

That sounds fair, except you said “best” twice, which really bothers me.

And pray to God he hears you

I’ve looked through the whole manual, and there’s nothing about praying. And are we screaming at this point? There’s a chance he could hear screaming.

As he begins to raise his voice/lower yours/grant him one last choice

He’s choking, you idiot. Heimlich is his choice.

And I would have stayed up with you all night/Had I known how to save a life

Damn right, you would have, but he’s gone now. Way to be worthless, Fray. You never even got to the part about electric shock.

-Heidi still doesn’t understand this song.

(Photo Credit before doodling)