Humanities faculty and students around the world have been hot under the collar in the wake of Obama’s recent comments suggesting that you don’t have to major in art history if you go to college. After a furor erupted among humanities scholars, Obama apologized in a hand-written note.

Scholars in the humanities tend to be sensitive about suggestions that their fields of study might be unnecessary, especially when those suggestions imply that humanities grads are unemployable. That’s understandable not just because of a universal aversion to being stereotyped—science scholars don’t like to be told they’re soulless any more than art history profs like to be told they’re useless—but because, in point of fact, the humanities have been in decline as a share of college and university activity for well over a century.

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It’s Republicans, Not Democrats, Who Are Taking Government for Granted

When Mitt Romney’s now-infamous “47%” comments were made public, the Republican presidential nominee first said they were “not elegantly stated” and later went further, saying they were “just completely wrong.” The general sentiment behind them, though, underlies Romney’s entire campaign and is still pleasing his supporters: the idea that vast numbers of Americans vote Democratic because they’ve come to take government for granted, because they want a big government that will coddle them instead of a small government that will force them to actually work for their daily bread.

I wonder, though, whether it’s not actually Republican voters who are the ones taking government for granted.

Certainly there’s a substantial portion of the Republican base who understand the implications of the GOP’s tax-slashing policy and welcome its outcome. There are the libertarian types who have their loaded guns and are ready for an unregulated Mad Max world, and there are the wealthy voters who would prefer to spend their money on private schools and private security forces and private parks for themselves and their children rather than funding public schools and public police forces and public parks for everyone.

Then, though, there are the millions and millions of Republican voters like the people I went to high school with, working-class and middle-class voters who tend to agree with Republicans on social issues and have been convinced that they agree with the GOP on economic issues as well. It’s these voters who I believe are the ones really taking government for granted in this election-year debate.

One of my high school classmates, for example, recently posted a Facebook status complaining about her family’s rising health insurance premiums, blaming them on the large numbers of uninsured people who her insurance company is telling her she’s footing the bill for. Arguing that Obamacare is only going to make her premiums go up, she said she hopes the President doesn’t get a second term. When I pointed out that Obama’s plan is specifically designed to reduce the number of uninsured, she shot back that she doesn’t like the idea of being forced to buy anything—such as health insurance—when her family is already struggling.

While I sympathize with my classmate’s tight economic situation, I was left thinking of Larry David in the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where Larry argues with his doctor to change a waiting-room policy that’s inconvenient for Larry, then later in the episode argues that the doctor should change it back when it’s no longer convenient for him. “Apparently,” a nurse says, “it’s not about the policy at all. It’s more just about you going first.” That’s exactly what it’s about, Larry is honest enough to answer.

This is the group of voters who applaud when Romney promises to get the government out of their way—to cut regulations, and to cut taxes. This is the “We Built It” voter who imagines every cent of tax money being deposited straight in the bank account of an lazy unemployed guy who lies in his easy chair, chuckling about the wonderful folly of a system that picks the pockets of hardworking Americans to provide him with food, shelter, and health care.

Who’s the one taking government for granted, though? It’s not the unemployed voter who is in reality finding—unemployed people, back me up on this one—health care, food, and shelter not so easy to come by. It’s those hardworking Republican voters who seem to see right through all the ways government is using their taxes very well right under their noses every day.

There’s Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security, of course—the big federal programs—but there are also industry subsidies and building programs such as those funded by Obama’s stimulus package. Then there are the state and local programs that are feeling the squeeze of reduced federal funding: highway construction and schools and fire departments and public defenders and police officers. It’s mayors and governors who take the heat for cuts to those programs; sometimes that’s justified, but often local officials’ hands are tied by the federal subsidy reductions resulting from all those tax cuts my high school classmates are so enthusiastically calling for.

This isn’t just a subjective impression: it’s a plain fact that red states are more likely than blue states to get more in federal expenditures than they pay in taxes. Per capita, federal aid to Republican and Democratic voters is closely comparable. When Republicans vote to reduce the size of the government against the wishes of Democrats, I wonder whether people like my high school classmates really understand that it’s truly a matter of “this will hurt you even more than it hurts me.”

One of my classmates, at least, does understand that. Like me, from age five to age 18 he attended schools where we were taught to be single-issue voters, rejecting any pro-choice candidate no matter what the other issues at stake were. Now, though, he’s considering running for state office as a Democrat. Why? His views on abortion haven’t changed: he’s still pro-life. What’s changed is his understanding of what Republican administrations have done to our government at every level.

My friend is an attorney working in the county court systems, helping children and other vulnerable individuals who enter those courts with little money or understanding of the law as it concerns themselves. He also volunteers as a firefighter. He’s the kind of real American hero Mitt Romney or George W. Bush would love a good photo op with, but he’s seen up close what the policies of the Bush Administration—policies a Romney Administration would return to—have done. They’ve left courts overburdened and children vulnerable. They’ve made it hard for towns to afford the firefighting equipment they need to keep families safe. My friend is a devout Christian, but he doesn’t see much Christian love for one’s neighbor in Republican pledges to reduce the size of government no matter what.

Are Romney voters aware of this Faustian bargain they’re making with a man who promises to get out of their way? If he’s as good as his word, my high school classmates may find that the day will come when they lose their jobs and there are no unemployment benefits; when their children go to court and there’s no one to defend them; when their house is burning and the town’s only fire truck is busy. True to his word, Mitt Romney will be far, far out of their way.

Jay Gabler


Questions (That Don’t Have Reassuring Answers) You May Ask When You Accompany the Recluse Bachelor Back to His Pad

How old are those pickles?

Why is there a condom floating in your toilet?

Did you know people can see you changing from your window?

What is that smell coming from the shower?

Hey! I sent you this weeks ago, why haven’t you opened it?

Is this your journal? Who is “Ashley?” Why are there hearts around her name?

Did you pay that ticket yet?

Whose blonde hair is this?

Ummm, so, nice bookshelf: did you like the first Twilight?

Have you cleaned your sheets since last time I was here?

Don’t you find the giant portrait of Barack Obama overlooking your bed creepy?

How many times have you actually watched your Billy Joel concert DVD?

Will your neighbor hear us?

Dunstan McGill


The Presidents of My Lifetime: Memory Dump

Gerald Ford: President when I was born, which is something not many people can say because he stepped up to replace the scandalized Nixon but was not reelected, via being a doofus. At least, that’s what I gather from Chevy Chase Saturday Night Live sketches I’ve seen on YouTube.

Jimmy Carter: President when I was in diapers. Kind of got screwed by having to deal with a lousy economy and a hostage crisis, but maybe was also kind of wishy-washy. Might have made a better preacher than a president, but at least the Nobel Prize has made him a late-in-life badass.

Ronald Reagan: President when I was in grade school. He was the first president I was ever consciously aware of, but at first I thought he was a big joke because (a) his name was kind of like Ronald McDonald’s, but siller because of the alliteration and (b) all the cable TV shows I watched made fun of him all the time. I remember him coming on TV to announce the 1986 attack against Libya, and I was sure they were going to re-draft my dad into the Navy and that my mom would have to start keeping food-ration coupons instead of rebate coupons.

George H.W. Bush: President when I was in high school. I woke up the morning he invaded Iraq, and “The Weight” by the Band was playing on the radio, and I felt like everything was suddenly very meaningful and profound. Having been brainwashed by my fundamentalist Catholic high school, I voted for Bush’s reelection in the school straw poll, and my dad declared that he’d failed as a father.

Bill Clinton: President when I was in college. This may not seem like a big deal now that we have a president who might actually be able to name multiple hip-hop artists, but when Clinton went on Arsenio Hall to play saxophone with the band, it was so cool that you wanted to cry at the notion that this guy might actually be President of the United States. Then the whole Lewinsky thing happened, and you wanted to cry again for a very different reason. All in all, though, even at the worst times, I felt pretty good that Clinton was president.

George W. Bush: President when I was in grad school, when it felt like America basically broke. The 2000 election was so crazy that you could kind of rationalize the Bush Administration as a big oops, but then came 2004. I was an RA at a Harvard dorm, and we organized a viewing party for the election results; by midnight, the dorm’s common room looked like the Western Front, with bodies lying all over looking defeated. At one point I tried to make small talk with a woman who waved me away, choking back tears. No one could believe that America actually chose to have that guy back for another four years. WTF, USA.

Barack Obama: President now. I was at a Bob Dylan show at the University of Minnesota on election night 2008, and Obama’s election was so exciting that even the famously distant Dylan felt inspired to say something only half-intelligible but unmistakably enthusiastic about the event. Outside, afterwards, campus was partying like the Iron Curtain had just fallen. Four years later, he’s done some great stuff (health care reform, making the world not hate us any more, having a wife who plays tug-of-war with Jimmy Fallon to raise awareness about physical fitness) and has been disappointing in other ways, but he hasn’t gone senile, accepted blow jobs from any interns, invaded any countries, or appointed any Supreme Court justices who think that women’s rights aren’t in the Constitution—so overall, I think it’s safe to call him the best president of my life so far.

Happy Presidents’ Day from Jay Gabler and the entire Tangential Administration